Another Doctor appointment

Rich has an oncology appointment today at 3:10.  They found a suspicious area on his lung three months ago and have been following it on CT scans - today we hear if it's just scarring from the radiation and his tendency to aspirate OR if the cancer has spread to his lungs.  I was really unconcerned about this initially (Dr. Korkmaz thinks it's the former) but as the appointment looms I'm getting more scared. I can't imagine what Rich is feeling...

One week

Been back on WW for one week.  Feeling pretty good - managed to stay on program for the week pretty well, although I will confess that I've not been diligent about the whole grains, healthy oils, etc.  Focusing on portions and fruits/veggies - the rest will come later, I hope.  What is it they say?  If you do something for four weeks with consistency it becomes a habit.  Here's to three more weeks to a habit!

This week I want to make exercise my priority.  We have a late dinner tonight because Rich has a church meeting and Sam has soccer practice.  I could go to the Y after dinner or I can go use the elliptical for 30 minutes tonight instead.  I'll probably do the elliptical because it will take so much less time.  I do really want to get back to the Y because of the variety they offer but lack of time is a real barrier.  Sam starts swimming in two weeks - that's when I'll be forced to go down to gym again.  Want to get on the circuit trainer to work on toning.  Yesterday Rich and I went biking for geocaches - found two on a five mile ride.  It was an absolute blast and, although it definitely felt like exercise, it was really a good time.  I need to find more activities like that!

Back to work.  It's the day after Labor Day and that is a really busy day - should be able to keep my mind off food!

Happy Labor Day!

Still feeling down and out of sorts from working yesterday.  Rich and I are going shopping at Kohl's (I have $50 in Kohl's bucks I have to use up so I'm going to spend without spending).   Maybe  new blender?  Although their blenders are pretty cheap and I do want a nice heavy one.

Going to get the house clean and make a shopping list - those things make me feel better...

Still eating right - just need to get more dedicated to working out.  Need to mix it up, too.  Maybe I'll get back on the elliptical today - that's an excellent plan and a great workout.  Off to Kohl's for now.

Sunday sucked

Worked today - and it was really, really busy and really, really sad.  I really want to eat a lot of salty snacks...and drink a lot of alcohol.  It won't make the day any better but I would feel better for the couple of minutes I was eating it.  I know that looks crazy when I write it down but it's how I like to handle stress.  Instead I'll have a glass and a half of wine and head to bed.  

Yesterday I biked over 7 miles with Rich.  I'm getting back on track slowly...

Labor Day weekend

Feeling kind of reflective this morning.  When you are fat and constantly dieting, every holiday is a possible milestone.  I really can't count the number of times I've said "I will lose X number of pounds by this day (Labor Day, Christmas, New Year's, my birthday, etc.)" and have then gotten completely disheartened when I failed to make a ridiculous goal. 
Now I want to make my goal eating right and eating well and I'll let the weight come off when I get the surgery.  I still, however, am falling prey to the mental game of "I will lose 40 pounds by Christmas."   Which isn't all bad, unless I let the fact that I will not lose that much by that date get me in a bad head space.  THAT is the trap I am trying to avoid!
I wonder how many people fall into the same trap?

Weigh In Day

Went back to Weight Watchers today.  Weight was up to 276.4, but that wasn't a surprise after two days of doctor's appointments.  I have stayed on program for several days and am feeling pretty good about this beginning.  Would write more but I am sooooo tired.

Day two of the rest of my life...

Well, I stuck to program except no time to exercise today.  Did my exact number of points BUT I have been pretty much starving whenever I wasn't running around like a crazy person.

This is why I am looking forward to a possible lap band.  It is so hard to stay on plan when you feel hungry all the time so the idea that it could maybe take food off the front of my mind all the time is very encouraging.  I will still plan on WW, just adjuvanted with the lap band.